Remember the story of Esther? Esther was made queen when the king became displeased with the behavior of queen Vashti. We know all about Esther. But what about Vashti? How is it that her behavior was so displeasing to the king that he would dethrone her?
Scripture tells us what Vashti did. After many days of festivities and drinking, the king ordered Queen Vashti to come before him and his friends wearing her royal crown. Esther 1:11 says, “The king ordered to bring Queen Vashti before the king, wearing her royal crown, to show her beauty to the people and the officials, for she was beautiful to behold. But Queen Vashti refused to come as ordered.”
I have done messages before on the difference between love and respect. In almost any relationship between man and woman, especially marriage, love and respect must be present. The man must learn to love his wife or the women in his life, and the wife must learn to respect her husband or the men in her life. You can find this principle in Ephesians 5:22-33.
Ephesians 5 is about Love and Respect. But this is more than a message about love and respect. It is a message about how before what. So many things we do go wrong because we do not choose the right way to do the things we want to do. The right things done in the wrong ways become the wrong things done.
Many of us do not see the problem with what Queen Vashti did. She refused to be paraded before men for their satisfaction. What’s wrong with that? It is a demeaning thing to do to anyone, especially a woman. But what she did amounted to a greatest offense a woman can do to a man – she disrespected her husband openly before the eyes of others.
Men inherently require respect. Respect is what leads them to love. Women require love, but it is love that leads them to respect. What the king did was not a loving thing to do, so Vashti responded by doing the very thing that would cause her husband to not love her. He was not loving, and she was not respectful.
For the men reading this please understand this. How you choose to treat the women in your life must be loving and respectful. And for the women reading this please understand. How you choose to love the men in your life must be with respect. To you men, loving her must come before the respect you want to receive from her. And to you women, respecting him must come before the love you want to receive of him.
The book of Esther is more than a story about what was happening with the Jewish people at the time. It is a story about learning how to be more effective at doing the things we want to do.
Had Vashti thoughtfully considered how to express her displeasure to the king in a respectful way she would have chosen a different thing to do. Had the king thoughtfully considered how Vashti would feel about what he wanted her to do he would have chosen a different thing to do.
When we take time to consider how before what, we allow ourselves time to discover a better way to choose what things we want to do. Paul teaches this principle in 1 Corinthians 6:12 when he says, “All things are possible for me but not all things are good for me.”
Jesus also tries hard to teach us this principle. The beatitudes in Matthew 5 are a great example of how before what. In this chapter, Jesus is saying to us over and over, “If this is how you choose to live then these are the things you will choose to do.” Could it be that He wants us to choose how we should live before we choose what things we will do to live? I think so.
So, learn to take a moment in your life and consider how you want to live before you choose to do the next thing you want to do. In all your ways acknowledge Him; this is how. When you do that, He will direct your path or steps. That is what.
Queen Vashti wasn’t wrong in her thinking. She was wrong in what she chose to do to express her thinking. When you choose how before what, you will learn to learn from the hidden wisdom and insight that is right before us all but hidden from our sight because we want what we want.
When you learn the power of choosing how before what, you will learn to have more love and respect in the relationships that are important to you. Women respect your men; when you do people will see your respect and admiration of him in how you respond to how you are treated. Men love your women; when you do, people will see her beauty in your eyes and in how you treat her.
We can all want to be like Esther. She was revered for her attitude. But we all have some Vashti in us. The Lord wants us to learn from Him how to do what we want to do. Everyone, choose how before you decide what.
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